You Dare, Newt!

From high atop the Stoa this day, I take umbrage with many of the GOP candidates.

First, is Mr. Newt Gingrich. I heard Mr. Gingrich say one of the MOST idiotic things to come from a "conservative" in a very long time. He described Mr. Romney's actions while working a firm 18 years ago as "Looting". In the 1980's they were called "Corporate Raiders" and they performed and still DO perform a vital service in a Free Market economy.

Now, people tell me over and over that Newt is sooooo smart and all, but to say that Mitt "looted" businesses in the name of profit tells me that he is either grandstanding for a Populist stump or he is ignorant of Free Market practices.

Let me be very simple here for everyone, in case you forgot what has made this country great, well from 1787 to about the 1980's.

Mitt was a businessman and not a politician. Therefore the only people he had to please were his Board of Directors and his Shareholders. You know, Shareholders. They are the ones that put their money into a company in the hopes that they will make AS MUCH PROFIT as possible on that money. The money they invest in a company provide needed capital to purchase equipment and hire labor. If Mitts job was to "acquire" other companies for their portfolio then I'd expect him to acquire them for one of several reasons: a) that company provides a service for cheaper than it could cost the parent company to develop...and make a profit. b) that company is a competitor and it would be cheaper to acquire then to compete. c) that company possesses patents and intellectual property that the parent company needs to develop new products or services. OR d) the company is all of the above and is "excess" capacity in the market place. Purchasing the assets and then breaking up the company, i.e. LOOTING, will bring in revenue, eliminate competition, and bring in valuable talent and patents.

It is the most efficient use of the national labor pool by ensuring that talent has the ability to go where it will be put to best use. Material resources will be put to the most efficient use as well. This is Economics 101 here folks.

There is nothing at all wrong with what Mitt did there. The strong survive and the weak perish. Period. Those employees who have lost their jobs may find new work in the parent company, they may find new work in other entities within their field, or they may retire. It is also possible that they will retrain into a more useful job field. Heck, they may even take this as a sign to become their own BOSS and perhaps get bought out by someone else and make a ton of money.

It is all good in the end. Life is not easy and life does not come with guarantees. Get used to it.

Newt, for as smart as you are I can not condone the idea that government, in ANY WAY can set the profit goals for any Private Industry. Period. The government has other things to worry about then how much money someone makes or how much profit a company makes. For the love of all that is Holy, can you see that, Newt!

Be at least a little conservative will ya? Step away from Mr. Obama...I want to see some daylight between your position and his, got it?

I'm certainly not a Romney fan. He has MANY flaws that make him rotten fruit for me. However, in this case, Newt needs to get a clue and remember what made this country great. It certainly was not measured by some pinhead in D.C.

Live well.

--Zavost

Revolutionary War Bar Scene

Upon the Stoa this night I must discuss the Revolutionary War as if it were between people in a bar. This should be interesting.

Ok, so we are turning the clock back about another 165 years to 1750. The United States has yet to be born. Britain and France are the major powers in the world at this time. Germany and Italy are both patchworks of smaller nations, squabbling and warring upon one another.

What will become the United States are 13 colonies that are seated at the Great British table. The British have been gathering colonies and nations to its table for quite some time in an attempt to have both more friends and a bigger table than France.

The Spanish are old and enfeebled while the Ottoman Turks are at the height of their vigor, never to have more power than they had at the gates of Vienna.

The British and the French had brawled and fought off and on for decades and decades. Currently they are locked into a vicious arm wrestling match with daggers pointed up from the surface of the table below their hands. Their proxies, the lesser people at their tables have been fighting the hardest, trying to pull one another to different parts of the bar and to force them to sit at other tables.

The colonies, especially Virginia, New York, and Massachusetts were eager to show their loyalty to Britain and sit closer to the head of the table. They took extra classes in warfare and polished up on their knife fighting. Heck, they even pulled on the leashes of the Indians tied to their chairs and asked them for some pointers on how to fight the French and their Indian allies that caused so much trouble.

Britain, however, looked down on the "Colonials" as much as the Colonies looked down upon their Indian allies. Britain felt that the "children" that sat at his table lacked the sophistication and education to properly fight the French on their terms and relegated the "provincials" to scouting and Indian fighting. This did not sit well with Colonies who felt that they were every bit the equal of the British.

By 1753, the colonial states had successfully beaten or bullied the Indians that were allied with the French. Tying some of them up the various colonial chairs at the British Great Table, others they threw out of the bar. A few, they threw out of second floor windows.

By all accounts, the "provincials" did a great job. The bar tab was high, though. The French did not go down easy, the fight at the bigger table was nasty and wrecked the place a great deal. The fighting in the corner did not involve the Great Powers that much. Most of it fought by proxies, such as the colonies and the Indians.

Britain did not have the money to pay off this tab, despite adding many new chairs to its table. In fact, it found that all these new people sitting at their table were actually COSTING him more money. No sir, this could not last.

So, to help pay down this bill, Britain was going to take a more active role in the personal finances of everyone who sat at his table. First, he was going to make it more expensive to sit at this table. Also, you had no choice to BUT to sit at his table. Each member was going to have to pay more for protection and personal defense.

The Colonies lived in a spacious, undeveloped area and were able to grow their income every year, however, what really began to happen was that Britain continued to make it more and more expensive to sit at the table. The Colonies were even told one day that they could not PRODUCE anything. If they chopped down a tree and wanted to make a piano out of it, they were forbidden from making that piano. Instead, they had to ship the wood to Britain where they would make the piano and the colony would then buy the finished product.

Well, hell, it was always cheaper to make it yourself then to buy it from someone who lived so far away. They could not even make their own shoes, for crying out loud.

Sticking around with the British was beginning to get onerous and the colonies began to talk about making their own table. Britain sat wwaaaayyyy over there and the colonies got sick of supporting his fat butt while he called the colonies lazy and unsophisticated.

Some of the colonies thought it was a good idea to make their own table. There was plenty of wood around. Wood they could chop, and plenty of smashed tables and chairs from the recent brawl. Others felt that Britain had done good by them and that they owed it to Britain to remain loyal in the face of so many enemies.

Now we are at 1773 and Britain is really needing more cash to pay off its growing commitments. The number of chairs at the table continued to grow and it always took time for the money to come with the new chair. The richest people at the table were the colonies, so Britain began to tax everything from the nails in their shoes to the tea they drank.

Enough was enough. The colonies, despite their misgivings of loyalty, began to complain louder and louder to Britain. Instead of paying attention to the colonies, he told them to shut up and get back to work. He was hungry and had more bills to pay.

Britain may have been dismissive but he was not stupid. One day, he went to the Massachusetts colony and told them to hand over all their guns. He trusted them, of course, but they didn't really need all those guns since HE was there to protect them from all their enemies.

Needless to say, Massachusetts disagreed. Even as Britain tried to yank the gun from Massachusetts' hands, the gun went off. To this day, no one knows if Massachusetts pulled the trigger or if Britain accidentally fired their own gun.

The damage was done. After Britain wiped off the burnt black powder from his face, picked up the dented crown and looked for his collar button that had been blown off; he pointed a finger at Massachusetts and said, "You know of course, this means war!"

Even those that did not want to fight with Britain knew that they had to defend themselves. Canada, created after the last great fight, was a great friend of Britain, and the Northern Colonies watched him closely.

Each side began to line up their allies. The Canada and their Indians. Britain and their Indians. The colonies and their Indians. The Colonies even began to ask the major powers of Europe if they would like to help them in their bid for freedom from the table of Britain.

All of the powers thought that the Colonies were very naive to think that they would help them. If they helped bust up Britain like that, who is to say that others may seek to break up their great tables? Heck, no, colonies, you are on your own.

New York, ready for a scrap, charged North at Canada. They were going to knock them out of the fight quickly and make them join the colonial table. New York rounded the bar, out of sight of the rest. A great commotion took place with chairs and bottles smashing all over the place.

Finally, after one last crash, New York comes back, limping and bleeding. His nose is broken, both eyes are blacked, and a shoe is missing. The left one, I believe.

From behind the bar they hear, "knock it off, eh?"

New York tells everyone else to shut up and begins wipe the blood off his face.

Since Britain still had enemies in the European part of the bar, they wanted to stay close to home. Instead of coming directly at the Colonies, they instead paid the German state of Hesse to bust us up.

The German state was scrappy, all right. It came in, hat cocked forward and yelled, "Wir sind hier zu stampfen Sie!"

They began stomping through New York, Pennsylvania, and Delaware. Generally causing a ruckus and being a pain in their collective butts. They never were able to pin any of those colonies into a decisive fight, though. They would come in, sometimes at night, and wreck up the place. Then they would march out to fight. We would snipe at them from the trees. They would yell at us to fight like men.

We would say you are a stupid man to stand there in the open and get shot at like that.

The colonies would then dodge and weave from table to table, hiding behind one another while a third colony would poke the Hessians with a fork in the behind. This went on for some time until the Hessians started busting up New Jersey. That night, after New Jersey had been spanked and roughed up a bit for flipping of Britain, the Hessians partied. They drank as only Germans can drink while being paid to rip up someone else's house.

Several of the Colonies got together that night, in the cold snow and ice, with the intent of de-panting the Hessians. One panty raid later and the Hessians were standing in their long johns, freezing. The Colonies taunting them from across the river with their pants held high, fluttering in the breeze upon a bayonet.

Embarrassed, many of the Hessians decided to give up the fight and simply live with the colonies.

Britain, ticked off about spending all that money and still having to put up with the taunts from across the bar, decided to get nasty. Britain pulled up his pants, wiped the meat juices from his chins and began to move towards the ramshackle and shoddy Colonial tables.

The French, amused at all the consternation the colonies were causing the British decided to follow close over the British shoulder to see for himself.

The porkulent British ruler shouted at the colonies during the entire walk over. He attempted to grab one colony while kicking another. He missed both. Tripping, he accidentally sat on New York. New York squealed under the weight of Britain, but the other colonies could do nothing. Instead, they did the same thing with Britain that they did with Hesse.

The colonies ran amok, running this way and that while Britain huffed and puffed in pursuit. Occasionally, he would clip one of the colonies and send them spinning, but for the most part, Britain continued to run all over the place while the French rolled around on the floor laughing themselves silly. Their great adversary being humiliated by a bunch of children running willy nilly about the bar. What a MAROON!

New York, unable to roll out from under the box lunch that Britain had left behind on his back, yelled for help. The Southern Colonies jabbed a pitchfork in Britain's butt, which got his attention in a big way.

South Carolina, North Carolina, and Virginia started to get roughed up by a highly irate Britain.

The burst of energy from Britain took its toll, however. Panting, red-faced, and facing a serious sugar crash, Britain began to take one jab after another from the Colonies. They were not running any longer.

Punch after punch, knee cap after knee cap, the colonials began to make Britain sting. Then, finally, Britain tries to punch out Virginia with one final haymaker blow. Swinging wildly, Virginia ducks and punts Britain in the crotch.

France, deciding to get involved in all the fun, kneels down behind Britain while the Colonials give Britain one final shove.

Britain falls backwards, over France's back, and into the bowl of Sour Cream and Onion chip dip. For good measure, France blows his nose and throws the tissue upon Britain. France was laughing so hard they were practically crying. Thus the runny nose, and thus the tissue upon Britain.

Embarrassed and salty, Britain throws up his arms and yells, "Fine" and then limps away, trailing chip dip and waving his hand, frantically trying to get the tissue off his hand.

The US makes one big table of its own by nailing all the smaller tables together. Over time, they plan on enlarging the table and making it out of better, stronger wood. They thank France and wish them well.

France, still chuckling at Britain's misfortune, wipes a tear out of one eye. Upon returning the tissue to his pocket he notices several people at his table. They are holding axes and torches. One fellow stands near a scaffold with a huge blade at the top, slowing curling his index finger at France, "come on...come on home...". His name plate read Rob S. Pierre.

He seemed like a nice fellow, though France could not restrain an involuntary gulp of the throat.

The US, still waving at France turns around to begin work on their new table, even as a loud "chink, whomp, thump, thump, thump" comes from France's table. Something shadowy rolling away under another table.

So, there you go. France loses out, just as the major powers thought would happen if they got involved. Britain was humiliated and tried again in 1812 to bring the "colonials" to heel, with similar results, though. France played a big part in that story also.

I wonder which period in history the little tyrant will have me write about next.

Obama is rolling up the Constitution and smoking weed with it. The FCC is going to start putting names with everyone on the Internet, nothing to worry about there. Obama gets the right to imprison anyone for anything as long as HE feels they are a danger to national security and my daughter has me writing fluff.

Well, it is more fun to write fluff anyhow. I just have to hope that there is a beer bottle with Obama's name on it in the next brawl. Unfortunately, the GOP contenders are pigmies. Guess we'll see this November.

Live well.

--Zavost

WWI bar scene

Upon the Stoa this night, I once again bend to the will my exuberant daughter. The WWII bar room scene has forced me to make one on WWI, modern news, the American Civil War, heck, whatever she can come up with. I must bend to her will, or be dragged into a black pit of insanity.

I might as well write some fluff while the timbers of society creak and sway about me.

Ok, so, we will turn back the clock from the WWII bar room. We'll turn it back and reset the scene.

It is 1914, early. The Austro-Hungarian Empire has been around in one form or another for centuries. He has several smaller nations at his table, not all of them willing. The loudest and most boisterous of them was named Serbia. He resented the influence that the bigger cousin exercised upon him and his friends, Croatia and Slovenia. The other cousins wanted to be free as well, but they could not work up the courage to make a run for the other side of the bar. Austria made them sit at his table and would not let them move around much.

In this large room, Germany stands at the bar, drinking a large stein of beer and scarfing down brats. Austria stands nearby, speaking friendly to Germany while furrowed brows and steely eyes glared over at Serbia.

Austria was glaring because Serbia was leaning back in his chair to chat with Russia and the Ottoman Turks. That combination never sat well with Austria, though Germany told him that the Turks meant well. It was the Russians to keep an eye on. Yes, those Russians were not to be trusted.

France was at a table drinking Chardonnay and eating cheese. Confident in its wealth, power, and prestige despite being punched out by Germany 25 years earlier. A minor disagreement settled by a crushing French loss at the hands of Germany.

Great Britain sat in a large booth, friends and debtors gathered all around. He was confident in his Empire of friends and associates. He had not a care in the world. Great Britain was still so large that the Sun never sat completely on any of his lands.

The United States had a stalk of wheat being sucked on gently between two teeth. Feet kicked up, hat pulled down over his eyes. He nursed a beer and relaxed after a hard day's work in the fields and factories. Canada sat with the US, but looked lovingly over at Great Britain. Ditto for Australia. Good old Australia. Always ready for a fight they could only ever help with, but never fight alone. They had more in common with the US than Great Britain, but they were in Britain's family nonetheless.

Russia; huge, hulking, backward Russia. He sat at a large table all by himself, trying to regale other countries with his wealth and sophistication. The problem with Russia was that he was so big he could crush you by accident and dumb enough not to even notice. Russia just wanted to be taken seriously, to be thought of as an equal among peers within the bar. Not many people paid him much attention.

Nearby sat the Ottoman Turks. Old, wheezing, and in debt to many people in the bar, they relied on Germany to help them make ends meet. Not many sat at their table, though, and most of those really did not want to be there. Russia was always calling over to people like Persia and Egypt, promising them riches if they'd come sit with him. No, the Turks did not like Russia at all.

Things had been steady in the bar for years. The last great dust-up had been 12 years earlier when the US accused Spain of being a bully and beat them down. Spain now sat virtually alone at the bar, drinking shots and remembering their past greatness.

One day, things changed rather quickly. That morning, there was tension in the air. No one new what, but everyone knew something was going to happen. The only one who didn't care was the US, sucking on the stalk and whistling quietly to himself.

People began to look about and affirm their friendships in case anyone started a fight. Austria looked to Germany with a wink and a nod. Germany winked back. France looked over at Britain and Britain gave France a thumb's up sign. The Turks asked for more help from Germany which they were then granted. Russia reminded Serbia that they were their "Big Brother" and that they didn't need to put up with Austrian oppression. France and Britain reminded Russia that they were his friends and to please not pick a fight.

Italy went around the room reminding everyone that he was their friend, though he did not get much attention.

The wait staff went from table to table, passing messages and handing out food, hoping for the best.

The fateful moment came when Serbia leaned over to tell Austria something. He spoke too quietly to be heard, so Austria had to really lean over to hear. Without warning, Serbia buried a knife in Austria's neck, wounding him terribly. The wound was not fatal and with a roar of anger, Austria punched Serbia straight out if his chair. Austria then began to savagely beat Serbia without relent. Russia leapt upon Austria and bore him to the ground, kidney punching and head butting. Germany reached down and began to pry Russia off of Austria and then broke a chair over Russia's head when the prying failed.

France and Britain looked at each other and then leapt to hit Germany from behind. Germany was waiting for that and beat them both down with the back swing of a chair. Italy attacked Austria and Turkey attacked Russia. Japan declared that they were part of the fight and then began to beat up Germany's friends in Asia.

The center of the bar looked like a mosh pit of flailing arms, beer bottles, and shoes arching gracefully out of the melee.

The US ducked as a bottle flew over head, but otherwise acted as if nothing were going on.

It was not long before the fight broke up most of the bar. It seemed as if everyone had lost their minds over...what was this fight about? No one seemed to know why and no one seemed inclined to stop throwing punches and kicks either.

Austria and Russia continued to trade blows while Turkey nipped at Russia's flank, irritating him. Serbia was out cold under a broken chair with an order of fries being ground into his hair as the fighting raged about.

The fight went on and on and on. Brutal and without quarter being given. Beer, blood, and brats soaked the floor and matted the Serbs who remained out cold.

The British, Canadians and Australians tried to knock out the Turks but found the old man not as helpless as they thought. The Turks beat them senseless as they charged straight at him. Bleeding badly, the three withdrew. Australia looked over at the US asked when they were going to join.

The US absently waved a hand in the air and went back to humming a melody.

Germany continued to beat on Russia, France and Britain with surprising ferocity and skill. This one country not only did not go down, but continued to knock all three of them about when he focused on one opponent.

Italy, France, Britain, and Russia were fading. Germany was panting, but otherwise still ready to fight. Austria was making odd noises. Wheezing and gulping, some wondered if Austria had been struck a deeper blow by Serbia then had been first thought. The Turks still had their hackles up and kept swatting at the British who had never stopped harassing them.

Then, quite unexpectedly, a note turns up. Britain, while scuffling with Germany, kicks a letter that had fallen out of Germany's pocket. The letter skids across the floor and ends up near the US.

Since his foot was going numb from being kept high on the table, the US let his foot down and saw the note. It was addressed to Mexico, from Germany.

With some interest, the US unfolded the note. The note said in part: "Hey, Mexico. If you help us out by attacking the US, we will make sure that you get all the guns, ammunition, and support you need. We will make sure that you get most of the territory back that you lost in 1846 and 1848. Also, we'd be really grateful if you could help broker an alliance between us and the Japanese. They seem like swell folks. Your friend, Germany XOXO"

The US's eyebrows rose and knitted together in irritation as he read on. The US had overlooked the sinking of its ships by "accident" by Germany, the US had even sold less equipment to Britain then it intended, hoping to remain neutral in this mess, and here was Germany, trying to pick a fight with the US.

So sir, this was not going to stand. The US put on its ass-kicking boots, put its hat on the table and the turned around fixing Germany with a set of eyes that had stopped blinking minutes before.

Germany could not help but notice the glare and went, "whoops". With a terrific double-fisted haymaker, Germany hammered Russia straight back into its own corner, upending the table and scattering all the chairs. Russia was down and would not be getting back up.

Germany turned its attention fully upon the French, the British, and the approaching United States. Italy, barking and yipping like a frantic lap dog, was brushed off and sent rolling.

Austria seemed to be stumbling, having some troubles shoving the Italians away from Trieste. The Turks also were stumbling about. Striking at the unconscious Russia and not scoring a lot of hits.

Though tired and bleeding, the Germans waded into the French and British, seeking to crack open their heads. Just as Britain, starving and panting heavily was about to pass out, the US arrived, giving him some food and support. Coming to the fight fresh, the US did not have a difficult time taking the German blows and then, bending Germany's wrists back told them to give it up before he got mad.

Seeing the futility of continuing a fight they never began, Germany decided that enough was enough. Spinning on his heel, Germany walked back to his own table. The German table was unbroken. Untouched in all the fighting. The rest of the bar was busted up, but not a single punch had been thrown in the German part of the bar.

Then, when the US asked who had started the whole mess, everyone pointed at Germany, who then spit out a mouthful of beer. Germany protested and said that Austria had defended itself against Serbia and that they were only supporting Austria.

Austria was down on its knees, clutching at a broken shard of glass that was sticking out of its neck. With a gasp, Austria collapsed into a pool of its own blood, dead.

When Austria went down, the Old Turk grasped his chest and with a cut-off shriek, fell over backwards dead.

Russia remained sitting on the floor up against the wall, drooling and twitching at unseen foes.

Britain and France shouted, "who is going to pay for all this damage!". Germany looked about as everyone was pointing at him and his untouched dinner table. Austria and the Ottomans were dead. There was no one left to blame, "aw, CRAP!" Germany said in frustration. Italy jumped up and down reminding everyone that they were in this too. Japan, interested in keeping a low profile, quietly kept what it could of German holdings in Asia and turned a hungry eye towards an un-expecting and feeble China.

The US then told France and Britain to take it easy on Germany, reminding them that Germany was never really "beat", they simply stopped fighting. The powers of Europe ignored him and clamored for Germany to be stripped naked and paraded around the bar in victory. Eventually, the US went back to his own table, drawing up a plan to form a group around another table that would settle issues and misunderstandings before they resulted in open warfare.

In this, the US soon grew bored, and soon went back to sucking on his wheat stalk, deaf to the shouting and hollering going on in Europe, disgusted with their behavior. The Europeans were uninterested in this new table.

Serbia, sometime later, comes to and looks around, wondering what has happened since he was knocked out by Austria. He sees a different looking Austria sitting at their own table. Hungary has its own table, too.

Looking around, he notes that he is sitting at a table marked Yugoslavia. The man at the head of the table grinning at him and has a sticker on his shirt saying, "Hello, my name is Marshall Tito". Sitting around this table is Croatia, Montenegro, Macedonia, Slovenia, and Serbia. "Aw, Damn it!" He screams. Once again, he is not free to do as he wishes.

The rest of Hungary has also broken down. The Czechs and the Slovaks form a new table and tell the Hungarians to go get bent, and the Hungarians have no choice but to accept this.

The Russians are in their corner, thrashing about and yelling at itself. Obviously, they were going through an identity crisis. One second he would scream, "White", the next, "Red". Through clenched teeth it would yell, "Finland". Interestingly, the Finnish and the Poles walk away from the Russians and pull up a table and chair all their own, glad to have escaped from Russia's dementia.

The tired old Turks are at an end. Once they were the Terror of Europe. Not any longer. The placard at their table was taken away, along with the Ottoman body. On it was an award, "tearing up Europe since 1453". In its place was a new Turkey with a new leader. Arab nations, under the wing of the British came into being, squabbling and bickering.

The British wondered at these little, screeching and spitting little people. Were they going to cause trouble in the future? Nah, he thought. What can they do? If the Turks could keep them under heel, we certainly can...

The bar was busted up for a long time after this. Some patrons left while others came in to take a seat. Germany was angry as hell that it had to foot the bill for someone else's fight. What exactly was the fight about anyhow? Hell if he knew. All he knew was that every time he made a penny, someone else took it from him and demanded two MORE! No sir, this dog won't hunt. He was going to put an end to it, but he could wait. He would get his revenge for this humiliation.

So there you go, folks. WWI in a bottle. I'm getting requests to do our modern day and perhaps I'll do one soon.

Current events may pull me away for an article or two, but I'll return with a new bar scene shortly.

Live well.

Zavost

WWII, the Bar Room Brawl

Upon the Stoa this night, it is New Year's Eve. According to the Western calendar, at least. 2011 has been a year of transition and change. The world is beginning to get itself into position for reordering.

The years 2008 through 2011 will be looked at just as the years 1929-1933 were looked at. Years just prior to the last great reordering of our world. It would take longer than I have patience to describe what is coming. It would also be too complex to tell easily. However, my daughter and I have developed a pictorial way of describing history.

Particularly amusing is rendering WWII by describing them as individuals in a bar. I'll do my best to replicate the story here as my daughter and I do these discussions as thought experiments to better break down history to make more understandable and fun for others.

Anyhow, here is WWII as described as if it were a barroom brawl.

This bar is a big bar. All the countries if the world are represented here. Well, the countries as they were constituted in 1938.

In the center of the bar we see Germany, counting out fat wads of bills and stacks of coin. France and Great Britain sit across from him, waving the money back in their direction. Germany gets more and more irritated as they pay off the war debt from WWI.

The Soviet Union, battered and bandaged from transforming itself from Russia into its current shape, sits alone in the corner of the bar, keeping everyone out with snarls and mean stares.

The Spanish brothers are in another corner, kicking the crap out of each other. Every so often, Germany slips empty bottles and a shivs to one of the brothers.

Sometimes, when France and Great Britain aren't looking Germany sneaks over to Russia to talk about new weapons and industries.

Germany continued milling about the bar, telling Austria that they need to join up with him. He got pushy with Czechoslovakia as well, telling them that Germany needed repayment for losses suffered by them in the last war.

The Czechoslovaks, with a wink and a nod from France and Great Britain, tell Germany to get stuffed. Before long, Germany has the Czechs in a headlock and glares at his little brother, Slovakia, showing what he will do to him if he is screwed with.

Before long, Hungary, Finland, and Japan, line up with the Germans, thinking that they can have the run of the bar if they teamed up. Italy, its finger caught in the teeth of a small African country named Ethiopia, begged Germany for some assistance, which was promptly granted.

With Germany's backing, Japan began to line up the folks in their corner of the bar. China was quietly dragged screaming into the bathroom and mugged repeatedly.

The United States was sitting quietly in its own corner of the bar, doing its best not to notice what was going on in Europe and Asia.

Eventually, Germany began to push Poland around. A proud man, Poland looked over Germany's shoulder at Great Britain and France for help. Again, a wink and a nod made Poland feel better, though the bloodied and tooth-gapped Czech gently swung his head from side to side, ever so slightly. Poland looked over at the Soviet Union, never a friend of Poland, who surprisingly gave them a wink and a nod of support.

So, Poland spits water in Germany's face and tells him to buzz off.

Germany slowly wiped off the water and in very short order leapt spread Eagled upon the screaming Pole. Great Britain and France stood to the side going, "Hey!" Which was about all they did when the Soviet Union suddenly joined in on the Mother of all Ass-Beatings.

In short order, Poland, now de-panted, coatless and shoeless lied at the foot of Germany's bar stool while the Soviets counted the money left in the wallet.

France and Great Britain were outraged, yet did very little, other than prepare to defend themselves from a clearly psychopathic Germany, who had recently flipped France the bird when asked for another debt payment.

Instead Germany puffed out its chest, glaring at the rest of the world telling them that their asses would be kicked...in alphabetical order.

The United States finally took an interest, though it was definitely of two minds on the situation. Finishing its beer, the US moved to a table closer to Great Britain to keep a closer eye on things.

For quite a while, Germany strutted up and down the bar, snarling and threatening, pointing and cursing. However, it did not seem like he had the stomach to take on the entire bar. Every so often, a high pitched cry for help came from the men's room as China continued to get mugged.

Even as Germany looked to be all hot air and no teeth, the US was slipping money and a set of brass knuckles over to the Brits. The US looked at the situation with growing concern, though he still had no real interest in getting involved.

When Germany struck, they struck quickly, just as he did with Poland. France, certain that Germany was full of manure, sat down to a leisurely meal of cheese and wine.

While France tipped back a glass of Chardonnay, a hand struck out and grabbed France by their greasy locks of hair, and yanked them straight to the floor. Nazi jack-boots immediately began to stamp down repeatedly. The fight with the Polish lasted longer. It was not long at all before France gave up the fight.

Great Britain was shocked and turned to speak to the US, who suddenly got interested in the stew they were eating and acted like they couldn't hear them.

Italy, eager to show how good a partner to Germany they were, kicked over the North African table and began to throw wild punches. Germany quickly dispatched Greece and the Scandinavian brothers.

The Spanish brothers were too engrossed in their own fights to pay much attention.

The Soviet Union simply remained in their corner, counting out the money taken from the Polish wallet.

Great Britain began to jab at Germany while Germany began to knock out English teeth.

As Germany continued to kick the crap out of Europe, Japan now began to assault Southeast Asia, Korea, and the other nations in the Pacific.

Before long, the Soviets, deep in their own schemes, took a beer stein to the side of the head. Still not seemingly aware of the attack, he spits out a tooth and takes a pool cue to the gut. In a blink, a flurry of boots and fists rained down on the dumbfounded Soviets.

After a lot of blood had been shed by Great Britain and the Soviet Union,the US had had enough of it and began to walk over in England's general direction.

Italy, the hapless sibling, was going down under a pile of African opponents and forced Germany to come over and help him out.

The US walked over with his arms out asking for calm and peace. Germany threw down a beaten and battered Morocco and spit on the floor in front of the US. Seemly composed of limitless energy and psychosis, Germany panted, spread his arms and legs and bellowed, "Kompt!"

The US, trying to strike a conciliatory tone, attempted to discuss the situation with Germany.

Before the US could get all the way over towards the rabid Teuton, Japan rabbit punched him in the back of the head. Finally furious, the US shot an arm behind them and throttled Japan by the neck. Germany shot out and began to pummel the US even as the US swung a squirming and windmilling Japan around and began to batter his head repeatedly upon the bar.

Great Britain, newly energized, piled onto Germany's back. The US slammed into Germany even with a screeching Japan in tow.

For several long minutes, Britain, the US, and a newly energized and supported Soviet Union traded punches, blood, and teeth with Germany and Italy.

Italy, taking a punch to the nose, fell on its behind and asked the US if they could join their team. Before the sentence was out, Germany began stamping on Italy.

With enemies all around, Germany was finally pummeled to the floor. The Soviets, Great Britain, and France were beaten badly by Germany, but remained on their feet.

The US finally turned his full attention upon Japan and ordered him to surrender, even as a raw squid was flung in his face.

A mighty blow to the face knocked them through the wall and out onto the pavement. The US stepped up to him, glass crunching underfoot, and demanded that he give up the fight. Again, Japan refused, kicking at the US's kneecaps.

Another crash and Japan landed back in the bar, feet and back up against a wall, head on the floor. Finally a white flag began to come out of a pocket.

The Soviet Union, anxious for more money and land, riffled Japan's pockets and stole a chain of northern Islands; telling the US that they were in the fight against Japan the whole time, in spirit if not in deeds.

You would think that the bar would quiet down after this massive fight, but even as the US was picking up its partners and dusting them off, the Soviets began to drag others over to their side of the bar, snarling and daring the US to deny it the compensation due for all the blood and teeth left on the floor.

And so began the Cold War.

The parts of the bar that sided with the US are nice and busy, while the side that was claimed through the military might of the Soviet Union never really recovered completely.

But that is, of course, another story for another day.

2012 is now underway. Let's look to the future with optimism. Even the worst events can have a happy outcome once all the pieces settle into their new orders.

Live well.

--Zavost

Kneel before Foamy!

The fires of Vesta burn brightly atop the Stoa this morning. The Foamy awards are being lined up for their new owners. By the beard of Xeno the Stoic there has been much to award over the last few weeks.

You must pardon the energy of this posting, but when the fires of Vesta are stoked, things get less formal.

Our first winner, in no particular order, since all of these awards are going to IDIOTS is:

Vice President Joseph Biden. From the mouth of morons, the King of vapidity, Mr. Biden stated that the Taliban were "not our enemies, per se". PER SE? What the hell does that mean, Joe? People fly planes into the WTC, kill more civilians than the Japanese at Pearl Harbor (who at least attacked a MILITARY target) and you do not classify them as an ENEMY...PER SE! However, someone who wants to keep more of the money they EARN is classified as a terrorist and enemy of the State.
Huge FOAMY award for you Joe, AND TRY NOT TO SIT ON IT OR YOU'LL SEE WHICH FINGER FOAMY IS POINTING SKYWARD IN YOUR HONOR!

The second award goes to President Barak Obama, for. Oh. So. Many. Things.
First, he launches a campaign ad where he calls himself a TAX CUTTER. Man, you can draw in some swirls over my head on that one. THEN, he calls himself a FISCAL CONSERVATIVE. This from a man who spent more money that we didn't have than any president since 1787! Not just that, but ALL the deficits EVER accumulated since 1787! Where is my golden back scratcher BARACK for all that money my children will have to pay back. Oh, it when to SEIU and all your other cronies...FIGURES! THEN, he takes his photos with every uniformed soldier he can find. Salutes until he drops a belt size, sends out CHRISTMAS cards and gets all warm and fuzzy with the troops. The very troops that make him want to vomit and cringe whenever he sees them. The very troops that he ignored for A YEAR under his first commander in the Afghanistan theater. Yeah, that guy. Here is your Foamy you Communist twit! And lastly, tying back into how "fiscally conservative" he is, he spends $4 million on a 17 day VACATION TO HAWAII. His wife flies separate of course, which increases the cost of the trip. Want some Kobe steak while you are on the flight, Mrs. President? Can you PRETEND, at least, to follow your own dietary restrictions! Here is YOUR foamy as well, thunder thighs!

The third award goes to our NKVD wanna-be, Mr. Eric Holder, Attorney General of these Socializing United States. Here is a guy that accuses America of being timid and afraid to address race--to discuss it openly. Then, when his own political chickens come home to roost, by the names of "Gun Walker", "Black Panthers", "Nation of Islam", "Tea Party", "Selective Enforcement of Executive Laws", "Affirmative Action", "Laws for Whites and Laws for Blacks" he goes and CRIES "YOU ARE ONLY GOING AFTER ME BECAUSE I'M BLACK!" Also known as the RACE CARD!. You faaarreeeekkkkin' COWARD! Enjoy your FOAMY you black racist bastard!

The fourth award (fifth, if you include the Award Ms. Obama was given...unless she already ATE it) goes to the Walter Reed Hospital outside of Washington D.C. They passed a new regulation that bans ALL expressions of faith on the campus. No crosses, no bibles (not even for the patients), priests must wear street clothes, and no open prayer. This one has three dots popping into view next to my ear. WHAT THE HELL! (oops, that is an overt religious comment). Can I even wear my WEDDING RING on campus! That is a religious article. Did you think about that one you pinheads! Of course, no one is taking credit for this little policy. Believe me, no policy gets written ANYWHERE without a sponsor or someone who has to sign off. ANYWHERE! This just goes to show you that people take their direction from the one in charge. Again, WHO WROTE THAT POLICY AND WHO APPROVED IT! Tell me now, bitch! Who do I get to say gets the honor of this Foamy award! SOMEONE WROTE IT, OUT WITH IT...YOU WORK FOR ME, JERK!

And last, but not least, the next Foamy goes to none other than NEWT GINGRICH. I haven't a clue why the media is calling him the new GOP darling. He had his shot in the 90's and he BAHHHHLEEEWWWW IT!!!! It was his Congresses that began to adore the attention and mewling of the media. It was his Congresses, and those of his next in line that began to act like DEMOCRATS! You waffling intellectual effete! Do you think that anyone with two brain cells still functional while you were the Speaker has forgotten how you BUNGLED your opportunities? Sure, you kept Clinton in line, but only because he chose to buckle. YOU buckled when they shut the government down. YOU admitted defeat like a whiny coward. If you had truth and right on your side then backing down was the WORST thing you could have done. Don't own what you don't own. Don't claim to be a TEA PARTY conservative when you still have the jam stains on your cheeks and chins from the special interest parties thrown in your honor while in power. You are no Tea Party conservative, I don't care how many TP cells you have hoodwinked. If the MEDIA LOVES YOU THEN I MUST WONDER WHY! The ABR (anyone but Romney) angle doesn't clear the smell test. Cain is crushed and third party conservative phantoms rise every day. THANKS NEWT!!!!!! Hear is your FREEKIN' FOAMY! Put that next to your RINO certificate on the mantle!

God you all make me sick today. All the GOP out there. COWARDS and game players. Ron Paul is a NUT. Newt is a RINO, Romney is a RINO, Bachman is being ignored....COME ON...GIVE ME A BREAK!

That has been your Foamy report. The fellows with white lab coats are currently trying to force me down and inject huge amounts of Thorazine into my thrashing limbs. Yeah, well I'll show them. I won't pay my medical bill.

Pione, folks.

Live well,

--Zavost

CLEAR!!!

I can hear this over and over from upon the Stoa. The European patient is expiring. adrenaline has been administered at least twice already. The Federal Reserve and world Central Banks trying oh so very hard to save their patient.

The whine of the shock pad capacitors is heavy in the air again as the Federal Reserve once again makes dollars available in unlimited supply; applying aid through several back doors since the ECB has already called a "time of death" out on the patient.

Dollars pouring out of the Treasure to support "dollar denominated" transactions. I wonder if trading in a portfolio of Greek bonds, to the tune of $5 Billion Euros can be classified as a "dollar" denominated transaction since the action taking place is the trading of Euros for Dollars?

How much is really being converted? How much of this debt is the American taxpayer retiring for the Europeans?

The first group of doctors has stepped back from the patient. The IMF, the ECB, a variety of "Residents" that were helping, part of the EU alphabet soup of professional leaches; all have stepped back, unable to decide what to do next to save the patient.

Good old Barak to the rescue. The United States has stepped in and plunged a central line into the neck of this corpse called the Euro and has attached the other end to our own Carotid. We will infuse this patient with our own life force and win the day...

...or doom ourselves to die with them.

The lending markets in Europe are dead. The lights are off and the only trades taking place are sales to non-European entities. And those transactions are being done in dollars, not Euros. The Euro is collapsing and the US will not be able to stop it.

Now I have to ask, does it need saving? Traditionally, if an economy goes in the tank, the currency would be devalued and the cost of doing business would dramatically shift downward. If Greece were to pull out and just thumb their noses at the rest of Europe, what would be the downside for Greece?

They will go back to the drachma, stick their tongues out at the EU and then begin to roll in the new business as folks from the rest of Europe begin to re-invest in a cheaper Greece. Happens all the time.

Greece was not ready, yet, to join the Euro. It should never have been allowed to join. The culture is not conducive to a Northern European concept. Greece shares more with Italy, Spain, and Portugal than it does with France, Germany, or Denmark. The economies are constituted very, very differently. Wrapping them up in a slick Euro did not eliminate the Black Economy that permeates the Mediterranean nations. Business is done differently down there. The governments have their own way of collecting taxes and disbursing them to the masses.

The vital signs are fading. There is a rally every few days, but the decline is clear. Sooner or later...likely very soon, we will lose this patient.

Once the Euro has passed, the world will look in terror at the issues facing the United States, issues made worse everyday with bailouts to Europe and the crony capitalism that has taken over in America.

The contagion will spread to the United States and then things will get very scary after that. Very scary indeed.

Live well, everyone.

--Zavost

World Economic Deathwatch

There is resigned acceptance upon the Stoa this day. It is not everyday you stand on Deathwatch for an entire economic way of life.

The world markets are dying. I will explain why I'm saying that, but first I want to demonstrate its equivalence in nature.

I have had the honor, due to my career in the healthcare field, to be present at the passing of many individuals. There is a power and energy in the room at those moments that is difficult to describe. It is the feeling that something important is happening.

Generally, if a person is about to die in their beds, either through a long illness or simple old age, there are two general styles of passing. If the person is conscious, they will become tired and take a nap. Their breathing will gradually slow until it becomes gently inconsistent. If one is still sitting nearby, you will also hear the last, long breath released from the lungs as all the muscles go slack in the chest. Frequently, I'm there looking at silenced monitors and know when this point is approaching. Sometimes it is the gentle release from the torment of cancer or some other painful ailment that has ravaged the body. Frequently, you can see the look of relief on their faces as they go.

The other way, which can be frightening to those who have not experienced it before, is a gasping and gulping that begins when death is near. I believe that the person has not completely resigned themselves, or accepted the fact that it is their time. No matter how they struggle, their moment has arrived. The underlying cause of their demise, be it heart failure, organ failure, cancer, etc. will not resolve, even if doctors are able to "keep" you alive on machines. Our technology is stupendous, but when it is your time, it is your time.

The body may "rally", but the ending is still a foregone conclusion.

Over night, the Federal Reserve and numerous Central Banks around the world stepped in and provided "Dollar Liquidity" to the world markets. Many companies, banks, and businesses...and governments, borrow and pay off debts every day in dollars. Loans and transactions are in dollar denominations.

In 2008, when Lehman Brothers was allowed to collapse, the credit market locked up around the world. There were not enough dollars to loan or pay in the world market (in circulation). No one wanted to take the risk of making loans in less stable currencies. No on wanted the exposure of someone making a run on shorting currency (think George Soros and Great Britain). At the time, the Fed made a special loan window available to keep the gears of finance turning with special interest rates.

That window opened wide last night and money like you have not seen before was made available to the world. Dollar denominate loans for everyone.

Why did this happen? The Euro is gasping. It knows the end is near and they are flailing. Except the Germans of course. There is a lot to admire and fear about those people. The European Central Bank, dominated by Germany, refused to participate in the world-wide bailout. Good for them. They understand what is happening and do not wish to squander their last reserves on this fools' dream.

Everyone looks at the world stock markets and smiles. Everything is up!

Did everyone's optimism leap because industry around the world came up with new technologies? No. Did the EU solve its debt crisis? No. Did the US Congress realize how deep the doo-doo is they are swimming in? Certainly not.

So, there has to be SOME reason why the markets were flush with cash. That is why. Everyone is looking for a place to "park" their money. The bond market in Europe is about gone. It is so expensive to sell debt, and the risk is simply too high that people with money are refusing to park it in Europe. There is not enough physical gold to purchase, and there are fewer and fewer people willing to buy "gold certificates".

So, they flee to the stock markets around the world. Central banks are not good places to keep money. Banks in general have begun to CHARGE rich people for the right to "park" their money with them, i.e. keep it safe since they know they can not grow that money safely.

The only problem is, the stock markets are not safe at all either and that will soon become very, starkly even, apparent to everyone. The United States has its own debt issues. Japan, in debt. EU, in debt. China, in debt despite all the favorable press they get. Oil nations, screwed because their customers are...in debt.

In 2008 I argued with my co-workers that the system, the entire system, be allowed to fail. It had to be allowed to reboot. Only by punishing those that made poor decisions would the rest of us learn what not to do. All the bail outs under Bush and Obama have done nothing but delay the day of reckoning...and make it much worse because we are in EVEN MORE debt.

We would be rebuilding now if not for that. Instead, we seek to entirely devastate the financial world as anyone alive has known it. It will be interesting to see what rises in its place.

The world market is gasping right now. The Unites States has shot the world full of adrenalin in an attempt to jump start things. An attempt to "give Europe more time to get things going in the right direction". That is not going to happen. The adrenalin will wear off and the US will have shot its last reserves off in a vain attempt to stave off the inevitable for another few days.

Yes, I said days. I don't think this will last more than another week or 10 days. Consumer confidence simply can not grow in this political and economic environment.

So I will sit upon my Stoa and continue to watch the monitors as they slow and then stop. I will stand in respect when the lines flatten out and the tone begins to drone.

Death is one thing that we all must do, and we must do it alone. It is natural to be afraid. To fall into the darkness and rely on faith that someone will be on the other side to catch you. I too am afraid, though I hope that if I am old enough, I will be at peace to allow it to come.

So too with the world markets today. No one can see what will come after this. Governments know that someone will be to blame and their cushy jobs are on the line. Thus, they delay the agony that we find ourselves in.

Live well, everyone. The sun will rise tomorrow, and for the next 5 billion years after that. Come join me on the Stoa and we will watch it together.

--Zavost