For those who may not know, tempering is a process where materials, mostly iron alloys, can be hardened by adding carbon to the metallurgical process. The carbon atoms slip into the iron molecules (which are quite large) and then the metal is quickly quenched in cold water. Boiling water and steam hisses out of the tank while flakes of impurities crust and fall from the metal being worked. The iron atom shrinks with the loss of heat energy and the carbon atom is trapped in the iron cage. The molecule is now much stronger. You have now made steel, upon which much of our modern society is built. You can not get there without that rather violent heating and cooling process.
When bad things happen to people, they always focus on what they are losing or what they will no longer be able to have, be it a larger house or a nicer car. Life has a way of tempering everyone in one way or another. The school child that is being sat on by their parents to get their homework done; the fast food burger flipper that is aspiring to be an accountant even though they are being yelled at by their 19 year old supervisor; the teenage girl that sees the boy she likes flirting with someone else; the pink slip from a company downsizing; the angry wife yelling at her husband for not taking out the trash; the death of a loved one... These are all tempering moments in our lives. It is up to us to recognize those misfortunes as opportunities for personal growth and maturity.
There are old wives sayings that cover this to some extent, but they have become so commonplace as to become trite. The old saying, "That which does not kill me only makes me stronger," and all that. Simply surviving the buffeting of life's storms is not growth. A callus is a growth caused by hard work and is only useful for repetitive traumas. I would like to think that one would learn from life's traumas both big and small and seek to avoid the pain that comes from this type of learning. Pain is, after all, your body's way of avoiding dangerous or unpleasant physical stimulation. Stress, depression, and the like is your body's way of warning you of dangerous emotional situations. Heed them, they can be useful indicators for self-contemplation and action.
My time in the military planted a lot of seeds of maturity that did not fully germinate until years after I left the service. Many of the sayings that were beat into us only gained meaning after finding myself on life's proverbial floor after a good thrashing (Adapt, Innovate, Overcome; comes to mind). You may remember earlier posts where I say that we have been endowed with the most precious gift from our creator (that can be another post as well): choice. Free will, call it what you will. Many of life's choices are black and white. Binary decisions if you really get down to it. You choose everything, no matter what advice you may ask for or heed. You chose most everything in your life, sometimes your accidents are indirectly chosen by you as well. Examples of that are car crashes (driving unsafe), falling down the stairs (you just had to grab one extra grocery bag from the car), or leaving the window unlocked for fresh air that admitted the thief that decided to take more than just your TV...
When you find yourself in one of these learning situations you can either decide to lay there until someone picks you up, or you can pick yourself up. Some will play the victim and do their best to remain on the floor. Leave them, they have no wish to learn yet, though it could be argued that by laying down they are indeed in the learning curve...you just have to give them time to realize it. If you lose your job, find another. If it does not pay what you want, then keep looking for better work while you are working. If you can not get paid more because you do not have a college degree, go back to school while you work. That is what the night time is for; it is not always for drinking with your friends in the local bar. You want the bigger house and car, do something about it (legal people, always legal). If you are in a bad way, like losing your home and everything you've worked for, then lean your shoulder into the storm and clean up afterwards. Find a place to live, rent a home when you are working again, move your family, do what you have to do. Endure, learn, and grow.
Another saying, "At least you have your health" is one heard growing up with my GI generation grandparents. I used to think that this was the dumbest thing to say to someone. Now, I see it as the wisest thing you can say to another person. As long as you are alive and healthy (heck, not even healthy), there is still opportunity. The chance to improve your life and care for those that depend on you. You can either lay on the ground, or you can get up and keep going. Simple choices really. The details come fast at you when you decide to do more than just stand up...but that is what life is all about is it not?
Hit the ground running since life runs by you pretty fast. Be bold and daring. Brush the dirt and dust off when you find yourself "face planted" by life. It happens. Get up and keep going. When it is your time to rest for good you will be told and not moment sooner than that. Life is not always easy, but that is how it is when you are playing without a safety net. God set it up that way for us. It is the price we pay for free will.
I believe that I have spoken enough for tonight. Tomorrow is another day full of opportunities and I don't wish to sleep through them, though it would be my choice to do so.
Live well.
--Zavost
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