The Perception of Nations

Upon the Stoa this day, I would like to give a shout out to the Japanese anime series known as Hetalia.

This series is very good at teaching children the basics of history in a way that they can easily break down and grasp. Nations are represented as people, and conflict as social interactions. Nations that "date" are forming alliances. Those that get married tend to be on the losing side of a war (hey, I didn't write that series, so send your complaints elsewhere).

I love the way they portray America around the 1940's. Boisterous, fun, a bit empty-headed; but with a big heart. One scene that I like shows the person who represents Britain working out hard in the woods, trying to get into shape since he has developed an inferiority complex as it relates to America. The work out is lame. I mean, really lame.

China watches on quietly while he finishes up. He is proud of himself and proudly states that no one will make fun of him anymore.

Then, from the woods, comes this, "Hey, Britaaaaiin,". Here America comes, dragging a 1930's touring car by its bumper. He tells him that he wanted to borrow the keys to drive it.

Britain then lies quietly on the couch eating scones.

It shows things as they are, for the most part. America is oblivious to what the rest of the world thinks and just sort of rumbles his way around trying to perform good deeds.

The other night, though, I was doing what I like to do best. Ponder.

The thought came to me to look through the eyes of Hetalia at the world of 2012 and see how the characters should be represented. I'm sure my daughter will be unhappy with me, but I calls them as I sees them.

Imagine a big home. Perhaps even a McMansion. The garage is stuffed to the rafters with junk while 5 expensive cars are parked out in the driveway. This is America's home.

Across the street is a Cul-de-sac of homes. They were once beautiful and historical, but now have over grown weeds, engine blocks hanging from trees, and a party in the back yards that sounds like a huge argument. All of the houses have "Foreclosed" signs on them and creditors standing around in the front yard arguing about who is going to get paid first. This is both the European Union and Britain.

Britain has grown tired of the arguing and is hanging out in America's living room.

Now, here is America. He is one of those graying high school football stars who used to be powerfully built. In fact, he is still very strong and active, though he is carrying a lot of excess weight. He sits in his lounger watching TV with a big, greasy hamburger clutched in his fist. Empty beer bottles lie scattered around him.

Sitting next to him is a fat, balding, gray man wearing nothing but a too small "wife beater" t-shirt and boxer shorts made out of the Union Jack. His baggy black socks are held up by those old suspender-thingys.

In the kitchen, oblivious to the mess in the living room, is Canada. She keeps herself in shape, has been on and off again employed. Currently, she is employed and doing very well. She only makes about 1/250th what America makes, but she has been experiencing good times while the financial planner for America keeps telling him things are getting better.

The financial planner for America changes ever 2, 4, 6 or 8 years, depending on his mood. Ever since the 1960's, America has been less and less responsible with his money. He has only had the best of intentions for himself and the world. Really.

When other countries needed a loan, he was there for them. When their houses burned, he helped. When they did away with their armies, he stepped in and guaranteed protection for them. When his people wanted free money after retirement and free healthcare, he though, "what the heck, goodies for everyone."

His various financial planners always just went along with whatever he wanted.

The latests, this tall, chain-smoking black man who, every time he looked at him, could barely contain his distain for him. This guy kept telling him that everything was great, now sign this paper to put 5 mortgages on your house. Don't worry about a thing, now sign this paper that places your children and grandchildren into indentured servitude. By the way, he also wanted a raise and 270 days of paid vacation. Just sign here. Yep, that kind of financial planner.

Now, America was broke. He owed far more than he could ever pay back. Britain just harumphed and threw a pork rind at the TV.

America didn't want to stop being the cool guy in the neighborhood, but he had to keep borrowing money. He wanted the newest cars and best TVs, but the stupid credit card companies were charging him too much interest.

Didn't they know he was good for it? He was AMERICA!

Britain just pulled down another beer and changed the channel.

Canada tried to help America with a business deal that would have run a huge pipeline through the back yard, moving oil from Canada into the refineries of Texas, but the angry, skinny black guy kept telling her, "NO". She let out her breath and instead signed a deal with Japan to ship her oil there.

No, America sat back in his chair and felt vaguely uncomfortable.

Britain put a greasy hand on his arm, "Here, now, its not so bad. I was once a great Empire. Everywhere the sun fell on this planet there was a British flag. Now I argue with Argentina over a spit of islands near the South Pole. You'll get used to it. Just sit back and enjoy the good food and the TV."

There was that, he thought, only who was going to pay for the food and the TV. Britain had been sponging off of him for years. There was no one left for America to sponge off.

America opened his mouth to ask a question about his expenses. The angry man in the corner just waved a finger at him, telling him to just let him manage his money.

So, America sat back in his chair.

The darkness outside was lit up as houses in the Cul-de-sac began to burn. Shouts about money and promises, and government spending filled the crisp night air.

America's finances looked like the EU finances 10 years ago. He was catching up to them fast. Now, Europe seemed to be burning itself down and looking back across the street at America's McMansion. He didn't like the look of that.

The shade slowly came down over the window. Cigarette smoke wafted in as the skinny black man secured the shades. "There now, nothing going on out there. You just sit back and watch TV. I've got things under control here. You just keep signing over the checks and I'll keep things running as smoothly as they've ever run.

With a last look at the pulled shade, America leaned back into his chair, confusion creasing his face. There was something bad going on but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. His financial advisor said that everything was fine. Life was good and there was no reason why it couldn't stay good.

The black man seemed to have a sneer on his lips as he turned away and headed for his desk in the corner.

Canada had two buckets in her hands and ran out the back door to go help the EU.

The black man quietly went into the kitchen and quietly clicked the door lock. Just as quietly, he went back to his desk and sat down.

That is how I would expect to see things if Hetalia was doing an updated version of America in 2012. I wonder what this would like like in 2022?

Live well.

--Zavost