The United Nations: Theater of the Absurd

From atop this Stoa, I would laugh at the absurdity that is the United Nations, but the tears turn the chuckles into chokes.

Only in the UN can Iran be in charge of monitoring Nuclear Proliferation, Ghadaffi to monitor human rights, and Mugabe set to monitor the political freedom of nations.

Syria has been gripped in the throws of civil war for over a year now, and the Red Cross has only just now decided that after the deaths of 30,000 people that just perhaps, Syria might be in a Civil War.

The blue helmets fret and rub their hands and try to stand between the combatants, only to be shocked when they come under fire as well. Dumb-asses.

So, to keep the Theater of the Absurd theme, I shall once again visit the great National Bar Room.

We go back in time though not too far. It is May, 2009 and America stands at a large table, his shirt tails are pulled out, his hair is a mess, and his coffee is both cold and weak. He is trying to tell the various member-States at the table that they can not afford what the new President is promising. Someone needs to work, someone needs to pay taxes, and someone needs to be productive.

The little man who was elected President completely ignores the rules of economics, confident in his ability to cast a glance wave a hand at the tempest and cause it to calm.

Likewise, his attitude is the same as it relates to foreign policy. Where America saw daggers in every shadow, this little man only sees misunderstood patriots. Where America saw people starving as dictators built palaces for themselves, he sees only leaders, struggling against an unfair world created by the United States.

In May, this little man invited Egypt to come over and have a talk about an upcoming speech in his country. The two conversed for some time before Egypt then back into the cauldron that was Middle East politics, you know, the corner of the bar farthest from the alcohol (though keg lines could be seen snaking under the carpet from time to time...

The little man then goes to Egypt the next month and gives a speech that is inspiring to the Muslim population. A speech so inspiring and full of Islamic references that the Secular Egyptian government begins to loosen their ties in discomfort. This was not the speech the little man had told Egypt he was going to give.

Fast forward to January, 2011. In America, there is a fire sale on foreclosed homes, dismembered businesses and an ever growing line of people arriving daily for food assistance. America swore that little man was making things worse, not better. He owed to creditors more money than ever existed in the world and the little man continued to preach about spending even more money that did not exist.

Egypt, fired by the passions of Islam and under the cloak of "Democracy", were making a hard left turn towards radical, Theocratic Islam (socialist). The speech that the little American gave was supposed to heal the wounds created by historic American policies, yet here was a country that was on the verge of coming apart from within.

It was not long before America saw the Egyptian leader, his suit torn and fouled, pulled down under a pile of arms and scarfs. In his place, a new man approached the table to sit. He was dressed in robes and wore his religion proudly upon his frame.

The little man grinned and wished that Peace be upon you, blessed be the prophet's name.

America, brow furrowed while handing out some more bread simply said, "What???"

Then Tunisia began to riot, the man in the suit being pulled down and replaced by a man in robes. The little man grinned.

Then, it was Libya's turn. The man in the suit hung in there, stronger than the rest and began to shoot the people trying to pull him down.

Now, this man was no friend to America, but anyone who could control radical Islam was at least doing us an indirect favor.

America looked to the little man and said, "you know what to do."

"I sure do," he said. The little man rallied the forces of NATO and began bombing the man in the suit. America slapped his forehead and yelled, "What the hell???"

Mauritania fell next, aided by the rebels from Libya. Another Western-style government ripped down and replaced by Islamists in the name of Freedom and Democracy. America got on eBay to find the little man a dictionary as the words he used bore little resemblance to his actions...

The bloodshed in Syria began at the same time as Libya began its tortured decent into Civil War. It did not make the news in America much, since the little man talked all the time and the sheeple who adored him followed every note of his pipping tunes.

The little man walked over to the UN table, which was set up in middle of the room and contained a representative from each country. One only had to look at the number of robes added since the Little Man's rise to power in America to see how things had changed. America tried to pay attention to the words he was saying even as another bank failed and then another ponzi scheme on Wall Street blew up.

The little man went to the table and looked over at the Middle East. The Syrian leader, impassive in his suit looked back. Around him, a dust cloud hung at waist height. Arms with rifles, swords, and severed heads rose and fell about him. Iran, that creepy fellow at the end of the bar had pulled a chair up beside the Syrian leader and whipped his arm back behind him, trying to hide the belt of ammunition he was slipping to the suited Syrian. The little man pretended not to notice.

The words he spoke to the group were the usual. I'm great, I know what to do, and the fault is all that of my predecessor. He asked Syria if he would stop killing his people, glancing over as he said this. The belt of ammunition that Iran was giving him was now behind the suited man as fresh sounds of gunfire and death ripped through the cloud around him.

The Syrian stared back at him impassively.

The little man grinned and asked the UN if there was anything they could do to help the situation.

China and Russia picked up their large heavy chairs and drug them around so that they sat between the UN and Syria. The bulk of their huge frames and those of the chair blocked the view of Syria from the rest of the world. Fresh weapons, ammunition and technical support flowed from Russia and China directly to the suited Syrian leader.

The little man, now unable to see Syria, grinned again, "Right!" and then walked back to the American table, even as another business had to close its doors and turn people to the unemployment line.

America just shook his head in disbelief.

Not long after that, some people in the UN decided that they would like to have a look for themselves at Syria. A previous leader of the UN took three hundred blue helmets with him over to Syria. He told the angry people in robes to stop fighting. He told the soldiers of Syria to stop shooting the robed people, and he yelled at Iran to stop sending soldiers, weapons, and ammunition into this. Its only making things worse, you know.

The previous leader ran out of the cloud with bullets winging after him. Blue helmets rolling on the floor.

The UN put hand to chin and thought about this situation. They really seemed upset about something. Perhaps if they sent in a letter first, telling Syria that they were coming. Thats right, they were probably just surprised by there appearance.

The letter went out and the impassive Syrian leader responded with a simple, "no". China and Russia simply shook their heads, "no".

The little man in America continued to ignore Syria and focus instead on eliminating all oil production in and around America. Canada was told to sell that filthy black stuff to China, they needed it more than America did.

45,000 more people now joined America at the food line.

While the UN gathered more Blue Helmets and Red Cross people to go back to Syria, the little man forced government people to drive the new Chevy Volt. GE, sucking up to the little man, forced their people to drive the car as well. Not bad at $250,000 per subsidized automobile.

America again shook his head and welcomed another 80,000 people to the food line.

A loud ruckus erupted from the side of the room where Syria hid. Rumors of Chemical weapons being brought out of storage began to circulate. Armored units that kept an eye on Israel began to pull back and head to the capital of Syria as fast as their treads would take them.

The little man was barking something about the rich opponent trying to unseat him for the Presidency, despite the $11,000,000 bank account that he possessed. While another thousand people died in Syria, the little man pointed out that the rich white guy put his dog in a carrier strapped to the top of a car.

The rich white guy countered with, "at least I didn't eat it!"

A head rolled out from between Russia's feet, which he was then quietly scooted back under the chair, eyes looking around to make sure no one noticed.

This play still has another act to go, unfortunately. There is so much more going on that is destabilizing and we have no one but the Little Man to thank for it.

Thank you, dumb-ass.

--Live well.

Zavost