And another passes

From the Stoa this day, I again will speak of and passages.

I am at that age now where I my grandparents, except for my 93 year old grandmother, have passed over. Twelve years ago, my uncle, a retired Colonel in the U.S. Army, died at the young age of 60 of stomach cancer.

It was a loss and he was one of my favorites. He looked and acted a lot like my Grandfather (his father). Tough, self-reliant, and unforgiving of stupid.

He fought that cancer valiantly, but in the end, the type he had almost always wins out. I drove across the midwest to attend his viewing and funeral. My aunt was unconsolable. He did not get to enjoy his retirement as long as most would. My aunt loved having him home and around. Many times during his career he was deployed where his family could not follow.

But this is not about him. This is about my aunt. After my uncle died, she retreated from the larger family. She had still not dealt with the passing of her parents (both well into their 90's) when by uncle was diagnosed.

The larger family, though not really close, did come together annually to play games and swap stories. This was an annual thing since my grandfather had died in 1979. That she cut herself off was not overly surprising. She was sick of the extended family trying to tell her how to live now that my uncle was gone.

She just needed her space. This space went on for years. To a few she would still send Christmas cards, but she would never visit anyone.

Over the years, my cousin would communicate with my mother. A few months ago, my mother confirmed what I had feared for a long time. My aunt had become a recluse, barely moving from her bed.

Full clinical depression. She neither wanted help nor accepted any help. Two of her three daughters had been living with her, trying to take care of her and the house.

For twelve years she wanted to rejoin my uncle. For twelve years, she allowed herself to fall apart due to neglect.

She passed this Sunday of many, many physical reasons. The fatal reason was in her heart and mind.

I see this as a waste of the precious time granted her by God. Life is to be lived, even if it is to be parked in front of a video game. Curling up in bed and waiting to die is giving up.

I'm sure that her parents would not have wanted her to live and pass this way. I'm certain that my uncle would not have wished for to live and pass that way. Twelve years that she could have spent with her daughters and friends. Twelve years that she could have influenced those who loved her.

Not even God knows exactly when or how one is to pass. We live in a determinant Universe, therefor the old Arab saying, "God will bring you to the place of your passing in the right time," is wrong.

I wonder how often my uncle had tried to intervene. How often his attempts went unnoticed. I can only imagine what their greeting was like when she passed. She has what she wants now. I'm certain too that it was not quite like the greeting she had hoped for.

Unless her passing provides a positive outcome with her daughters then I'm afraid her passing was a passing of her own choosing. There will be a reckoning for her. Learning and evolving.

Though I had not seen her since my uncles funeral I still feel the loss of her passing. I remember her voice, and her mannerisms. She smoked and laughed and left an impression on me while growing up. Lots of fond memories of my aunts and uncles talking, playing, and laughing around a table.

My grandparents are gone or too old to participate any longer. My aunts and uncles are now beginning to pass.

The generations turn. New matriarchs and patriarchs. My children are growing, though without the same fond memories of an extended family.

Enjoy the time you have. Enjoy your hobbies, no matter what they are. Enjoy that which give you meaning and happiness. Do what you need to do before passing on.

Live well.

Zavost